Jeanne's Story

I was born in 1958 and diagnosed with AIS after the typical hernia operation was performed to find testes in my abdomen 6 months after my birth. I was raised a girl but I lived as a Tom Boy. I was great in sports and loved to hang out with the boys all of my life. My parents never discouraged this, they were even somewhat proud that I was so athletic. I never thought I was anything but a girl but I always knew I was a lesbian. When I was about 12 years old I started asking my mother why I didn't have my period yet or any pubic hair. She just stated that I was a late bloomer and not to worry about it "it will come."

Then the worst day of my life came. My mother told me that we were going to Boston for a "girls day" which we often did since I was the only girl with three brothers. My mother and I would go shopping, movies get our hair done, etc., and just spend the day together. We got in the car and started for Boston. That's when my mother started telling me about my "birth defect." I was saddest to hear I would never have children. And she told me I could never have sex with a man. Oh and by the way, we were going to the Gynecologist office. We went back to the Doctor that performed my surgery in 1958. I cried the entire way . I could'nt believe I was lied to and denied the truth, then tricked into going to the Gynecologist masking the day as a "girls day." She never told me what was going to happen there.

The Doctor asked very personal questions like "do you masturbate" "Do you like boys" on and on. I didn't answer any of them truthfully because my mother was sitting there and I was so embarrassed. I was only 12. I was then placed on a table win a paper gown, feet in stirrups, probed and prodded with God knows what in my genital area, breasts examined, finger up my rectum, with three other interns and a nurse watching, asking questions as if I wasn't even there. Each intern touched my genitals. They took pictures. I was crying and nobody cared or stopped what they were doing. I begged them to stop and they just said "oh that doesn't hurt that much" and "We'll be done in a minute honey." They finally stopped and left the room saying "OK you can get dressed now," I got dressed, and was bleeding. I didn't complain about the bleeding I just wanted out of there. I felt so violated. I cried the entire way home and all I could say was "you should have told me the truth from the beginning."

I didn't take the hormones they gave me, never spoke of it again and went through life praying no one would ever find out that I was a freak of nature. I never went back to the Gyn. until I was 35. I only went then because I had questions thinking science has caught up with me. After I did that I felt it was a huge mistake that could never be fixed. The Doctor looked at me dumb founded and It was in my medical record in my home town.

It wasn't until I was 41 and typed the word "intersexed" into my web browser did I realize I was not alone. After reading others stories I could'nt believe how simaler peoples experiences were to mine. I let out a huge cry like I never have before reading everyones stories. I don't know where it came from but after I was done I realized I actually felt better. I feel a real sense of healing. For the first time in my life I don't feel so alone. I'm not a freak. Thank you for this web site and all of your support. You have changed my life.

Jeanne