Chelsea's Story

[Received July 2001]

I have known since I was a small child that something was wrong with me, and though I live in a very supportive and loving family and my parents have always tried to explain things to me (my mother went to med school up untill her fellowship as an OB/GYN) I never fully understood untill I read Rachel's story [on the website].

My name is Chelsea and I am 15 years old. I am going to be a sophomore in highschool. I have an older sister named Katie. We both have CAIS. Notice I didn't say we SUFFER from CAIS, because we don't. The one thing that always bothered me the most was knowing whether I would have a real sex life or not. I don't know about my sister because she chooses not to talk about it, but being naturally curious, I have determined that my vaginal depth is about an inch and a half. My mom told me I would have to get surgury when I was 17. I am hoping that is not true. That scares me.

I am proud of who I am. Though I am sad that I cannot reproduce, I don't feel the need to be cut and molded into something more normal. For all my school years, I have shied away from letting a boy get close to me for fear of finding out my pubic hair isn't thick and bushy but fine and thin, and have endured the years of teasing - boys saying I'm flat chested and such. When I got into highschool, I had changed. I went to a camp that summer (for any one, not just for girls with genetic disorders) and they taught me that who I hang with and what I do is who I am, not what I wear or when I get my period. Also, a bad case of clinical depression was lifted when my closest girlfriends came to ask me what was wrong and someone asked me if I had menstruated. I told them everything, and they made me feel like it was something to be celebrated. "No cramps, no PMS, no crying for no reason, no bloating". That summer I also got my first kiss from a boy who said I was beautiful.

I am known as an artist, a snowboarder, a musician, a trendy dresser, an attractive young woman, and a good friend. I am not considered a freak in a case profile. None of you should be, and you should all remember what is important. In the novel that is my life, CAIS is just a tiny asterisk that makes my name stand out from the other words. No one knows it but me, and I'll be damned if they ever care (some consider it better off there too and I won't argue) we have to make the best of what god has given us and I can think of things that are much worse than what we have been dealt. Life should be filled with laughter not brooding. Also I would like to know what it is like for a guy with AIS, to get some perspective on the topic.